Food Discussion: Onion Blossoms Guide

A Quick Guide to the Onion-Based Appetizers of the Midwest's Franchised Steakhouses

Mmm, the Midwest's favorite appetizer: a splayed, fried onion with its requisite tangy orange dipping sauce. It's the ultimate staple of any generic steakhouse experience. It's so famous that it even has its own Facebook group and a Pringles flavor in honor of the delicacy.

And yet it's a calorie-loaded dish so simple (onion... batter... dip) that you wonder if anyone could come up with it. If you've ever paid attention to your steakhouse menus, you've probably noticed that many chains nonetheless suggest that they have an original stake (PUN) in this recipe, especially in that glorious sauce. In order to appreciate the variations and distinctions of each version, let's survey the different names and descriptions used for the delicacy and its close relative, the onion petal pile. Now, if you're like my nephew Tanner, then you already know all the different terms and nuances of each recipe, in which case this is old news for you!

Onion Blossom Guide

Outback

• Bloomin' Onion® with Bloomin' Onion® sauce
• Menu: "A true Outback original. Our special onion is hand-carved by a dedicated bloomologist, cooked until golden and ready to dip into our spicy signature bloom sauce."

Lonestar

• Texas Rose®
• Menu: "Enough for two! A fresh, whole onion, cut to bloom, hand battered and served with our famous seasoned sauce."
  

Texas Roadhouse

• Cactus Blossom® (comes as Baby Blossom® or Double Blossom®)
  
• Menu: "Perfect for two people to share! Our signature hand-battered onion, golden-fried, and served with our Cajun Horseradish dip" and "Two Baby Blossoms great for four people or more"

Logan's Roadhouse

• Rockin' Onion Petals®
• Menu: "A bucket of crispy fried onion petals with our Texan petal sauce"
  

Texas Corral

• Texas Flower®
• Menu: "The ultimate feeding frenzy! Exploding onion battered, fried and served with our seasonal sauce."
  

Damon's

• Damon's Famous Onion Loaf (comes as Half Loaf or Full Loaf)
  
• Menu: "We use sweet onions and pop our own rings fresh every day. Then they're lightly seasoned and battered, deep-fried to a golden brown, and served with a side of our spicy dipping sauce"
  

LongHorn Steakhouse

• Texas Tonion®
• Menu: "Crispy onion petals drizzled with sour cream and served with zesty dipping sauce"
  

Famous Dave's (why not include it?)

• Onion Strings
• Menu: Lightly-breaded and flash-fried, served with rémoulade dipping sauce "
  

Note

• Why no Awesome Blossom? Because it was removed from Chili's menu after it was declared worse for your health than shooting yourself in the neck.

Once you get beyond the poor grammar of these menu scribes and the atrocious misuse of hyphenation, you'll notice that each steak-peddling establishment claims to be the progenitor of a unique onion blossom dippin' sauce. (As far as the general idea for a fried onion appetizer, I believe Outback assumes credit, as is repeatedly asserted in the menu description). I honestly find these dipping sauce claims rather dubious as they all taste the same to me, but Tanner tells me that there truly are subtle differences. He does have a pretty refined palate for a child of 6 and has already eaten at more steakhouses than most people do in a lifetime, so I'll take his word for it. He says, for example, that the Outback sauce is slightly tangier than the Texas Roadhouse sauce, but the horseradish is more detectable in the latter's variation. He also thumbed his nose at the Damon's onion loaf, claiming that "you end up using too much sauce with every dip 'cause the onions are so stringy and they jus' pick up more. Then you run outta sauce before you finish the loaf." I would never have considered the delicate relationship between onion shape and sauce quantity/consistency, but this is a good point for the economically-minded sauce consumer. Be prepared to ask for extra sauce!

Ordering Onion Appetizers

Now, when ordering a blooming onion or onion petals, use of the appropriate term is important to a lot of people, including Tanner. I, however, cannot bring myself to say things like Rockin' and Tonion, but I've discovered that most waiters know I want if I say "onion blossom." Alternatively, one can always simply point to the menu and say "give me this." This works about 90% of the time. Oh, and Tanner tells me that it's okay to point to the menu and grunt "whenever your mouth is full or when you're busy swallowin' bread." I'm sure this is effective, but in his case, this may be due to the fact that all the local waiters and waitresses know him by name, by how he likes his 12-oz., by his refill schedule, etc.

Health and Cultural Complaints

Anyways, in spite of its deliciousness, health studies have apparently placed onion blossoms among the worst foods in America. It would be awkward to end my onion appetizer guide with a stern suggestion never to order this dish, but I will just say that the aforementioned Tanner is almost 170 pounds by now and can't even get his fingers around the tv remote anymore. I can certainly believe that routine consumption of onion blossoms and/or onion petal piles can be no good for one's size and shape.

Right here in the Midwest, complaints have also been issued against the assault on taste launched by these dishes. No, not taste as in "Mmm!" but taste as in "clearly you have none." The Chicago Tribute awarded onion blossoms #1 on their list of the 10 worst dining trends of the last ten years. They say, "We like to believe the fried onion blossom could be done right -- i.e., not sweaty, or greasy, without slivers of onion behind monstrous tan shells, served like county fair food on porcelain -- but we haven't seen it yet." Another site says that onion blossoms "need to go away" because they are "too sweaty, too greasy, too little onion, and too much fried stuff."

There seems to be a backlash against the onion blossom in Chicago, and I've found many reviews and opinion pieces denouncing the delicacy not for it's calorie count, but for its offensiveness to good taste. One piece, entitled "Three Cheap Eats in Chicago that Don't Serve Fried Onion Blossoms" recommends Italian, Greek, and Armenian restaurants as the antidote to onion blossom culture. Of course, the author thinks that $50/head counts as cheap (huh?), failing to mention that onion blossoms are between $4-8 -- not quite breaking the bank.

In spite of the health concerns, I think the onion blossom is too delicious to strike it out of my diet completely.... Somebody wrote a rebuttal to the Trib's complaint list, stating, "C'mon, a fried onion blossom is basically just a great big pile of onion rings. Granted, they usually run a little greasy. But who doesn't like onion rings? I'm not recommending you have one of these for lunch every day, but once a year that is pretty good, fun eating!"

That's right!

On my next food discussion, I'll discuss and compare the "Tour of Italy" equivalents at Macaroni, Olive Garden, Carino's, etc.